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LIFE & CULTUREMARCH 19, 2011.Why Do We Let Them Dress Like That?
Women of a liberated generation wrestle with their eager-to-grow-up daughters—and their own pasts.Article Video Comments more in Life & Culture ».EmailPrintSave This ↓ More.
.Twitter
Digg
+ More
close Yahoo! BuzzMySpacedel.icio.usRedditFacebookLinkedInFarkViadeoOrkut Text By JENNIFER MOSES
Redux Pictures
What teenage girl doesn't want to be attractive, sought-after and popular? And what mom doesn't want to help that cause?
.In the pale-turquoise ladies' room, they congregate in front of the mirror, re-applying mascara and lip gloss, brushing their hair, straightening panty hose and gossiping: This one is "skanky," that one is "really cute," and so forth. Dressed in minidresses, perilously high heels, and glittery, dangling earrings, their eyes heavily shadowed in black-pearl and jade, they look like a flock of tropical birds. A few minutes later, they return to the dance floor, where they shake everything they've got under the party lights.
But for the most part, there isn't all that much to shake. This particular group of party-goers consists of 12- and 13-year-old girls. Along with their male counterparts, they are celebrating the bat mitzvah of a classmate in a cushy East Coast suburb.
Today's teen and preteen girls are bombarded with images and products that tout the benefits of sexual attraction. But must we as parents, give in to their desire to "dress like everyone else?" asks author Jennifer Moses. She talks with WSJ's Kelsey Hubbard.
.In a few years, their attention will turn to the annual ritual of shopping for a prom dress, and by then their fashion tastes will have advanced still more. Having done this now for two years with my own daughter, I continue to be amazed by the plunging necklines, built-in push-up bras, spangles, feathers, slits and peek-a-boos. And try finding a pair of sufficiently "prommish" shoes designed with less than a 2-inch heel.
All of which brings me to a question: Why do so many of us not only permit our teenage daughters to dress like this—like prostitutes, if we're being honest with ourselves—but pay for them to do it with our AmEx cards?
I posed this question to a friend whose teenage daughter goes to an all-girls private school in New York. "It isn't that different from when we were kids," she said. "The girls in the sexy clothes are the fast girls. They'll have Facebook pictures of themselves opening a bottle of Champagne, like Paris Hilton. And sometimes the moms and dads are out there contributing to it, shopping with them, throwing them parties at clubs. It's almost like they're saying, 'Look how hot my daughter is.'" But why? "I think it's a bonding thing," she said. "It starts with the mommy-daughter manicure and goes on from there."
I have a different theory. It has to do with how conflicted my own generation of women is about our own past, when many of us behaved in ways that we now regret. A woman I know, with two mature daughters, said, "If I could do it again, I wouldn't even have slept with my own husband before marriage. Sex is the most powerful thing there is, and our generation, what did we know?"
We are the first moms in history to have grown up with widely available birth control, the first who didn't have to worry about getting knocked up. We were also the first not only to be free of old-fashioned fears about our reputations but actually pressured by our peers and the wider culture to find our true womanhood in the bedroom. Not all of us are former good-time girls now drowning in regret—I know women of my generation who waited until marriage—but that's certainly the norm among my peers.
So here we are, the feminist and postfeminist and postpill generation. We somehow survived our own teen and college years (except for those who didn't), and now, with the exception of some Mormons, evangelicals and Orthodox Jews, scads of us don't know how to teach our own sons and daughters not to give away their bodies so readily. We're embarrassed, and we don't want to be, God forbid, hypocrites.
Still, in my own circle of girlfriends, the desire to push back is strong. I don't know one of them who doesn't have feelings of lingering discomfort regarding her own sexual past. And not one woman I've ever asked about the subject has said that she wishes she'd "experimented" more.
As for the girls themselves, if you ask them why they dress the way they do, they'll say (roughly) the same things I said to my mother: "What's the big deal?" "But it's the style." "Could you be any more out of it?" What teenage girl doesn't want to be attractive, sought-after and popular?
And what mom doesn't want to help that cause? In my own case, when I see my daughter in drop-dead gorgeous mode, I experience something akin to a thrill—especially since I myself am somewhat past the age to turn heads.
In recent years, of course, promiscuity has hit new heights (it always does!), with "sexting" among preteens, "hooking up" among teens and college students, and a constant stream of semi-pornography from just about every media outlet. Varied sexual experiences—the more the better—are the current social norm.
I wouldn't want us to return to the age of the corset or even of the double standard, because a double standard that lets the promiscuous male off the hook while condemning his female counterpart is both stupid and destructive. If you're the campus mattress, chances are that you need therapy more than you need condemnation.
But it's easy for parents to slip into denial. We wouldn't dream of dropping our daughters off at college and saying: "Study hard and floss every night, honey—and for heaven's sake, get laid!" But that's essentially what we're saying by allowing them to dress the way they do while they're still living under our own roofs.
—Jennifer Moses is the author of "Bagels and Grits: A Jew on the Bayou" and "Food and Whine: Confessions of a New Millennium Mom."
BigCharts Virtual Stock Exchange WSJ Asia WSJ Europe WSJ Portuguese WSJ Spanish WSJ Chinese WSJ Japanese WSJ Radio Financial News WSJ Lifestyle Brands WSJwine SEARCH Choose a topic to search news:
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Loading… Arts & Entertainment Cars Books & Ideas Fashion Food & Drink Sports Travel WSJ. Magazine Ideas Market A-Heds Theater Tickets CloseDow Jones Reprints: This copy is for your personal, non-commercial use only. To order presentation-ready copies for distribution to your colleagues, clients or customers, use the Order Reprints tool at the bottom of any article or visit www.djreprints.com
See a sample reprint in PDF format. Order a reprint of this article now
LIFE & CULTUREMARCH 19, 2011.Why Do We Let Them Dress Like That?
Women of a liberated generation wrestle with their eager-to-grow-up daughters—and their own pasts.Article Video Comments more in Life & Culture ».EmailPrintSave This ↓ More.
Digg
+ More
close Yahoo! BuzzMySpacedel.icio.usRedditFacebookLinkedInFarkViadeoOrkut Text By JENNIFER MOSES
Redux Pictures
What teenage girl doesn't want to be attractive, sought-after and popular? And what mom doesn't want to help that cause?
.In the pale-turquoise ladies' room, they congregate in front of the mirror, re-applying mascara and lip gloss, brushing their hair, straightening panty hose and gossiping: This one is "skanky," that one is "really cute," and so forth. Dressed in minidresses, perilously high heels, and glittery, dangling earrings, their eyes heavily shadowed in black-pearl and jade, they look like a flock of tropical birds. A few minutes later, they return to the dance floor, where they shake everything they've got under the party lights.
But for the most part, there isn't all that much to shake. This particular group of party-goers consists of 12- and 13-year-old girls. Along with their male counterparts, they are celebrating the bat mitzvah of a classmate in a cushy East Coast suburb.
Today's teen and preteen girls are bombarded with images and products that tout the benefits of sexual attraction. But must we as parents, give in to their desire to "dress like everyone else?" asks author Jennifer Moses. She talks with WSJ's Kelsey Hubbard.
.In a few years, their attention will turn to the annual ritual of shopping for a prom dress, and by then their fashion tastes will have advanced still more. Having done this now for two years with my own daughter, I continue to be amazed by the plunging necklines, built-in push-up bras, spangles, feathers, slits and peek-a-boos. And try finding a pair of sufficiently "prommish" shoes designed with less than a 2-inch heel.
All of which brings me to a question: Why do so many of us not only permit our teenage daughters to dress like this—like prostitutes, if we're being honest with ourselves—but pay for them to do it with our AmEx cards?
I posed this question to a friend whose teenage daughter goes to an all-girls private school in New York. "It isn't that different from when we were kids," she said. "The girls in the sexy clothes are the fast girls. They'll have Facebook pictures of themselves opening a bottle of Champagne, like Paris Hilton. And sometimes the moms and dads are out there contributing to it, shopping with them, throwing them parties at clubs. It's almost like they're saying, 'Look how hot my daughter is.'" But why? "I think it's a bonding thing," she said. "It starts with the mommy-daughter manicure and goes on from there."
I have a different theory. It has to do with how conflicted my own generation of women is about our own past, when many of us behaved in ways that we now regret. A woman I know, with two mature daughters, said, "If I could do it again, I wouldn't even have slept with my own husband before marriage. Sex is the most powerful thing there is, and our generation, what did we know?"
We are the first moms in history to have grown up with widely available birth control, the first who didn't have to worry about getting knocked up. We were also the first not only to be free of old-fashioned fears about our reputations but actually pressured by our peers and the wider culture to find our true womanhood in the bedroom. Not all of us are former good-time girls now drowning in regret—I know women of my generation who waited until marriage—but that's certainly the norm among my peers.
So here we are, the feminist and postfeminist and postpill generation. We somehow survived our own teen and college years (except for those who didn't), and now, with the exception of some Mormons, evangelicals and Orthodox Jews, scads of us don't know how to teach our own sons and daughters not to give away their bodies so readily. We're embarrassed, and we don't want to be, God forbid, hypocrites.
Still, in my own circle of girlfriends, the desire to push back is strong. I don't know one of them who doesn't have feelings of lingering discomfort regarding her own sexual past. And not one woman I've ever asked about the subject has said that she wishes she'd "experimented" more.
As for the girls themselves, if you ask them why they dress the way they do, they'll say (roughly) the same things I said to my mother: "What's the big deal?" "But it's the style." "Could you be any more out of it?" What teenage girl doesn't want to be attractive, sought-after and popular?
And what mom doesn't want to help that cause? In my own case, when I see my daughter in drop-dead gorgeous mode, I experience something akin to a thrill—especially since I myself am somewhat past the age to turn heads.
In recent years, of course, promiscuity has hit new heights (it always does!), with "sexting" among preteens, "hooking up" among teens and college students, and a constant stream of semi-pornography from just about every media outlet. Varied sexual experiences—the more the better—are the current social norm.
I wouldn't want us to return to the age of the corset or even of the double standard, because a double standard that lets the promiscuous male off the hook while condemning his female counterpart is both stupid and destructive. If you're the campus mattress, chances are that you need therapy more than you need condemnation.
But it's easy for parents to slip into denial. We wouldn't dream of dropping our daughters off at college and saying: "Study hard and floss every night, honey—and for heaven's sake, get laid!" But that's essentially what we're saying by allowing them to dress the way they do while they're still living under our own roofs.
—Jennifer Moses is the author of "Bagels and Grits: A Jew on the Bayou" and "Food and Whine: Confessions of a New Millennium Mom."
Jovenes Oblatos: Hermana Glenda - Me amo y se entrego por mi - Desc...
Jovenes Oblatos: Hermana Glenda - Me amo y se entrego por mi - Desc...: "MP3 – 128Kbps – Rar - 37MB Descripción: Con motivo de la celebración del Año Paulino la hermana Glenda nos ofrece nuevas composiciones. Su..."
Friday, March 18, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Canterbury Tales by Taylor Marshall: Amazing Photo: Japanese Ship Resting on House
Canterbury Tales by Taylor Marshall: Amazing Photo: Japanese Ship Resting on House: "Let us continue to pray for the Japanese. Here is an interesting photo of a ship resting on top of a house after the tsunami. Notice the sec..."
Canterbury Tales by Taylor Marshall: The Miraculous Cord of Saint Thomas Aquinas and th...
Canterbury Tales by Taylor Marshall: The Miraculous Cord of Saint Thomas Aquinas and th...: " While in Washington, D.C. our high school students visited the Dominican House of Studies on the campus of the Catholic University of ..."
Canterbury Tales by Taylor Marshall: Priests are clothed in the Perpetual Virginity of ...
Canterbury Tales by Taylor Marshall: Priests are clothed in the Perpetual Virginity of ...: "Father Serafino M. Lanzetta of the Franciscans of the Immaculate recently wrote something very beautiful: Mary is always present in the life..."
Canterbury Tales by Taylor Marshall: The Sufferings of Saint Agatha the Virgin Martyr
Canterbury Tales by Taylor Marshall: The Sufferings of Saint Agatha the Virgin Martyr: "The holy martyr and virgin Saint Agatha is among the Catholic Church's greatest heroines of holy purity. Her name was inserted in the canon ..."
Canterbury Tales by Taylor Marshall: The Holy Eyes of Saint Dominic and Holy Purity for...
Canterbury Tales by Taylor Marshall: The Holy Eyes of Saint Dominic and Holy Purity for...: "Someone once asked Saint Dominic why he kept his eyes lowered to the ground during most the day. The saint's response: 'So that my eyes mig..."
Canterbury Tales by Taylor Marshall: 7 Reasons to Frequent Confession during Lent
Canterbury Tales by Taylor Marshall: 7 Reasons to Frequent Confession during Lent: "His Holiness John Paul II who went to confession weekly, said:'It would be an illusion to seek after holiness, according to the vocation on..."
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Promote the Dignity of Women: Promote the Dignity of Women: Four women explain w...
Promote the Dignity of Women: Promote the Dignity of Women: Four women explain w...: "Promote the Dignity of Women: Four women explain why they chose to become consec...: 'Four women explain why they chose to become consecrate..."
Promote the Dignity of Women: Four women explain why they chose to become consec...
Promote the Dignity of Women: Four women explain why they chose to become consec...: "Four women explain why they chose to become consecrated"
Friday, February 11, 2011
Promote the Dignity of Women: Andrea Bocelli sings “Panis Angelicus” for an end ...
Promote the Dignity of Women: Andrea Bocelli sings “Panis Angelicus” for an end ...: "Andrea Bocelli sings “Panis Angelicus” for an end to world hunger"
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
OSV Daily Take Blog: Rite movie, wrong message?
OSV Daily Take Blog: Rite movie, wrong message?: "By Mary DeTurris Poust I can't bring myself to see The Rite, the new exorcism film starring Anthony Hopkins. I'm not a horror flick person ..."
Soulfull Longings: Discipline
Soulfull Longings: Discipline: "This is probably one area I am totally not my best at, discipline. When it comes to diets, I try my best with good intentions, then I find m..."
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
In God's Company 2: Emergency Numbers for Spiritual Life
In God's Company 2: Emergency Numbers for Spiritual Life: "EMERGENCY NUMBERS FOR SPIRITUAL LIFE . . . *** MAY BE DIALED DIRECT *** Your Bible is not a toll call *** When in sorrow, ................."
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Promote the Dignity of Women: PROPHECY: WILL THERE BE A DAY WHEN THERE ARE TWO '...
Promote the Dignity of Women: PROPHECY: WILL THERE BE A DAY WHEN THERE ARE TWO '...: "PROPHECY: WILL THERE BE A DAY WHEN THERE ARE TWO 'SUNS'?"
Monday, January 24, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
St Gemma Galgani: St Gemma's New Year Resolutions
St Gemma Galgani: St Gemma's New Year Resolutions: "The New Years Resolutions of a Saint On New Years eve, 1895-1896 Gemma writes: 'So I resolved to change my life, because Jesus had given ..."
St Gemma Galgani: St Gemma's New Year Resolutions
St Gemma Galgani: St Gemma's New Year Resolutions: "The New Years Resolutions of a Saint On New Years eve, 1895-1896 Gemma writes: 'So I resolved to change my life, because Jesus had given ..."
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
8 die, 72 missing in Australia flash floods -- Earth Changes -- Sott.net
8 die, 72 missing in Australia flash floods -- Earth Changes -- Sott.net: "http://www.sott.net/articles/show/221327-8-die-72-missing-in-Australia-flash-floods"
Friday, January 7, 2011
Promote the Dignity of Women: Benedict XVI: “The Word of God is the true star of...
Promote the Dignity of Women: Benedict XVI: “The Word of God is the true star of...: "Benedict XVI: “The Word of God is the true star of our life”"
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
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